Paranoid Bushybeard

Lieutenant Colonel Paranoid Bushybeard (previously Specialist, Lieutenant, Captain and Major) is a Gnommish Cleric who defected to the side of Randul during the Liberation War against Huria. Bushybeard and his company were used as part of a Randullan special operations unit tasked with multiple objectives during their time in the Randulan military. The nickname "The Saint" was bestowed upon him sarcastically by the Hurian soldiers in large scale battles when he continuously revived near dead soldiers to continue the good fight. The Randulan military and public generally use it as a compliment

Appearance
Paranoid Bushybeard is a bald, somewhat tanned gnome with a large reddish-brown moustache and brown eyes. Most gnomes generally have some sort audacious hair and having nothing but a large moustache is audacious in its own way.

To start, Bushybeard had very few personal effects to call his own. The only things he had with him when he met Milo were his ceremonial non-magical Gnomish hooked hammer and ceremonial heavy plate armor.

As the war progressed, Bushybeard’s armor has been replaced twice. It was replaced once by stealing and reforging dwarven plate armor from an enemy combatant, believing it to have more protective qualities to it. The second replacement was a gift from Reinfred Seamour, a present that magically covers the user in a set of magical grinding plate.

Bushybeard also has a Handy Haversack in his possession to keep various important trinkets.

Personality
Personality-wise, Bushybeard can be described as a somewhat capricious individual. Interacting out of battle he acts as a lazy trickster, doing things for no other reason other than his amusement. When things don't go his way, he acts dejected but generally bounces back. He often uses his authority in the army to disregard things he does not agree with, like orders to slaughter innocent members of the enemy side. He has shown utter ruthlessness as well, allowing the Orcish Horde to have their way with the Hurian Slavers they dealt with.

When he is stuck in a hard position due to the complications of leading the party he tries to think very hard, often imagining what his comrades would suggest. This sometimes leads to long silences while he thinks on the situation with the thought versions of his party members.

As the years have gone by, Bushybeard has become more and more and dejected and detached. He has begun to descend into madness, acting even more random and erratic than he once did. His odd behaviour has led to talking to hand puppets of his various allies during moments of high stress, though this has been happening less and less since the war has ended.

Background
Paranoid Bushybeard was born to the well-known Bushybeard family of Wanderlan, known throughout the smallfolk as High Priests to the Gnomish Frirnylk. Throughout his childhood he was raised to love the teachings of the Wandering Deity like his mother and father.

He came up in the ranks of the priesthood with his best friend and rival, Osmo. They were close as brothers, and were all-around terrible together, in their downtime being well-known patrons of the Wanderlan tavern, fooling around with dames messing with the adventurers and soldiers that pass through their town.

In a night of drinking, tomfoolery and a case of one-upmanship, Bushybeard and Osmo went into the catacombs near the Dwarvish settlement close by to settle an argument. The low-light vision saved them a lot of fumbling in the darkness but eventually the two got lost.

After hours of wandering in the dark tunnels, Osmo and Bushybeard start calling for help in the darkness. Before long, low, quiet whispers could be heard deeper into the catacombs. They followed the sound, hoping it was help, looking for them. The whispering became louder until the quiet chatter became audible. The pair knew they were lost, but not this far. They didn’t know they had disturbed the spiders.

They were chased out of the caves, the spiders at their heels. Quietly pursued by the eight-legged predators they ran for their lives. The caves narrowed and tightened until at last there was only room for one person to get out at a time. The two stalled at the hole, trying to figure a way out for both of them. Osmo pushed Bushybeard through the hole and started to smash at the walls with his bare fists. In a panic, Bushybeard tried to go back in but the cave walls crumbled and collapsed in on itself, killing the spiders and the captive Osmo.

The walk home was sobering. They had been missing for two days. Admonished by his family for being gone so long, and Osmo was still missing? They dare not say 'dead,' not to upset his poor, grieving family. Expelled from the order by his father, Bushybeard lost his path to High Priesthood, the only path he knew. Ostracised, he left his home in exile, unsure if he would ever be welcome again.

He was left wandering the country with naught but his ceremonial armor and weapon. Technically he still followed the doctrine of Frirnylk. He still worshipped the Deity of Wanderlust but was no longer respected for it. He was now a useless, friendless, no-good loser.

He came across a town recruiting for the Hurian army and met a Halfling named Milo. This is when life began to turn around.

The First Encounter - Defecting to Randul with Milo
The town of Wolfglen was assisting the war effort against Randul by providing weapons to the Hurian army. Bushybeard and Milo were hired to defend a shipment of weapons from the Randul forces, and were first tasked with protecting the door to the weapons warehouse.

Bushybeard and Milo were ambushed by a large group of kobolds evidently running from 'something.' The duo attacked and killed a number of the kobolds, afterwards noticing that many were noncombatants. They followed the trail from the kobolds into a cave and encountered a Randullan mercenary group, who were dispatched without any real issue by Milo.

After coming back up from the fort, a band of mercenaries came to collect the weapons for the Randul army. The mercenary leader gave the two an ultimatum: hand the weapons shipment over or the town is burnt to the ground. The mercenary leader even offered jobs to the two short soldiers of fortune. After gathering the townsfolk to assist with fortifying the town the two eventually gave up this endeavour and ambushed the transporter picking up the weapons.

They took the cart with the shipment of weapons and noted the transport had large pieces of wood gouged out of the side. After investigating this they were immediately set upon by a Dire Wolf. Paranoid Bushybeard was nearly killed fighting against the wolf. Bushybeard commanded the beast to lie down and Milo stabbed it to death. Following the trail to the mercenaries came across an abandoned Kobold village, with dead bodies all across the ground. The bodies reanimated themselves, and Bushybeard compelled all of the undead kobolds to flee from his presence, Milo piercing all of the enemies that come his way. Once they cleared the Kobold village, they took the weapons and handed them over to the mercenaries, leaving the town defenseless. They joined the mercenary group a little richer, with a new job, and a newfound appreciation for the 'wonderful man' who introduced them to the Randul Uprising.

Memory Lost - When Events Lose Coherency
From here, the tale of Bushybeard's various achievements and misdeeds become jumbled, no longer knowing when what events occur in what sequence. From the time of this writing, Bushybeard is unsure when these events took place but does remember that they did, in fact, happen.

Bushybeard and Milo joined the mercenary band but generally worked as a separate unit within the group. Due to their non-standard expertise, they were often sent off to other, non-essential places. At one point they were tasked with protecting Savagebrook River from the Hurians, far away from the main battlefront. The pair were attacked by skum (or merfolk, we were not entirely sure about the aquatic freaks attacking us), and Bushybeard was nearly drowned due to his character's penchant for heavy armor. Luckily Milo is an incredibly competent sword for hire and cut down all the skum (or merfolk) down. Only later did we find out that they were actually hired by the Hurians to attack Randullan-allied soldiers, and that we were retroactively not just racist pieces of shit for fighting back against skum (or merfolk).

Eventually they were tasked with keeping a small canyon clear of enemy troops. The two cut down a few enemy soldiers and fought a trio of small earth elementals while making their way to their location. Eventually, the two are startled by a unit of orcs that seemed to charge through, accidentally slaughtering the entire unit in utter panic. In a moment of horror, the orcish unit were wearing the symbol and colours of the Randulan army. The two thought of defecting sides again, using the death of these orcs as a way to bargain out of any possible wrongdoings. They didn't, purely out of guilt for killing so many allied soldiers.

Crump was totally fine with the duo killing a bunch of Orcs, being a little morally bankrupt and somewhat of a racist. The Randullan Command weren't super happy about the pair killing the orcish unit, but ultimately they didn't care as it reinforced the stereotype of that orcs were stupid and Randullan Command was totally cool with that. They were also impressed with dispatching the Earth Elementals so technically it was a net-gain.

The Kender and Sorcerer were both two additions to the unit. The two new additions were tasked with assisting Bushybeard and Milo to defeat the units within the canyon. The Kender seemed to care more about robbing the duo of all their possessions, and the unit were constantly at odds with each other. Eventually, the Kender and Sorcerer left to parts unknown, either to continue their romp throughout the canyon. Milo attempted to hide his gold within the fire. Unfortunately this is a terrible way to hide gold, and it became a molten lump of gold, leather and ash.

Another new addition to the party. This time, another defector from Huria, a female Paladin named Elaine with a glorious steed named Prince.

The group end up on the front lines. Bushybeard, Milo and Elaine.

Milo said he wanted to procure a spade. Bushybeard and the Paladin told him to requisition one through the supply chain. Milo didn't want to, and tried to steal one from a sleeping soldier. He was caught and because of this insubordination the unit were sent to the picket line for one week. Bushybeard and Elaine were fuming.

For the next week, the party were beset by large magical eagles, vultures and a small goblinoid that tried crossing the line. Milo killed the small goblinoid, which turned out to be a young goblin child. The party gave Milo lots of guff regarding it, until it was found that the child was carrying vials of arsenic. The group became unsure whether to judge him on his indiscretion due to this.

The Great Infiltration: Back with the Hurian Military (Temporarily)
After being beset by various large flying birds for a week on the picket lines and burying dead enemy soldiers, The party were called back to infiltrate an enemy camp, the objective was to capture or kill the things controlling the huge birds that were constantly laying waste to the party and various other parties. The party (Mostly Bushybeard) took this to also mean "and do as much damage as they can." The Hurian base was about 1 full days travel away from the Randulan camp. The party travel out into the forest then travel to a Huria-allied town to join the Hurian Military (again).

The Hurian recruiter requests to test both Bushybeard and Milo in combat. They decline to get the Paladin to fight, as the Paladin is obviously with the Hurian army already. Milo tries not to brutal kill the recruiter and succeeds. Bushybeard heals the recruiter and then has a go at the recruiter. Bushybeard raises his hand and casts Admonishing Ray, immediately knocking out the recruiter.

A well-liked Lieutenant joins the group, introducing himself as Harper. Harper gives the group a tour around the camp, showing where the main officers of the camp are situated in the camp, and to bother them if they get restless. After the tour, Milo and the Paladin follow Bushybeard who joins a group of soldiers in a game of dice. Bushybeard uses the power of Prayer to cheat at dice and takes all of their money in a 'friendly' manner.

Eventually the group start drinking with the Hurian soldiers and they tell the group how the best alcohol is with the officers. Bushybeard starts using magic to bolster an amazing story to distract the soldiers in their drunken stupor. Bushybeard also pulls a bucket with dirty water and magicks it into alcohol, which impresses the soldiers even more.

Milo uses the distraction to sneak to the officer's tent, scoping out the various officers in the Hurian Camp. He notes that there are Aasimar within the camp and are the ones speaking to the the eagles and vultures to attack the Randulan force. Milo then casts a deadeye's arrow to illuminate the sky as a larger distraction, distracting the officers inside the tent and stealing a large amount of alcohol. The soldiers see their small comrade bringing the expensive alcohol from the officer's tent and rejoice. (Not sure if Harper joins.)

The next day, Bushybeard and Milo, both very hungover, ask Harper if it is possible to have a feast for the various soldiers in the camp before they depart the area. Bushybeard and Milo convince the entire camp to have a huge feast with alcohol provided by both the party and the officers. As this takes several days to setup, the group wait for the night of the east.

As the alcohol flows freely, the party disappear into the night, going to Harper's tent and talk to him. The party try to talk him down, after revealing their true colours. They start fighting with Harper doing quite well against the party until Bushybeard attempts to talk Harper down, promising that he would not hurt him any more. After Harper trusts Bushybeard's words and lays down his weapons, Bushybeard yells to Milo, "NOW!" Milo brings the spear down on him, killing Harper. The party strip Harper of his magical items and come out of his tent.

"Everyone! Come now, they've killed Harper!" The party rally the large drunk mob with these words. "They've come and killed Harper! They're going that way!" The party point towards the officer's tent, yelling and screaming Harper's murderers have gone that way. Whipped into a frenzy, the entire camp have become a mad mob, smashing tents and fighting throughout the area.

Fire started to break out, the entire camp falling apart in sheer, utter disarray. Officers getting the blame for killing the well-loved Harper, the Aasimar disappearing with whatever large birds survived the conflict between them and the drunk Hurian soldiers. The camp was in an utter shambles. And with the giant birds gone for now and most of the Aasimar controlling them dead or gone, the mission was a success.

The party immediately pile onto Prince (the murder horse) and run throughout during the night to the Randullan camp, and tell the Colonel of the current state of affairs. They are worn down after a night's ride to the camp and immediate collapse into a state of slumber.

Mopping Up The Enemy Forces
The next morning, the party are awoken by the sounds of frantic movement outside their tents. When they go to investigate, the majority of the Randul camp is preparing to mop up the remainder of the Hurian army's encampment across the way. Seamour asks the party if they want to accompany the army on the next operation. The party all say yes, and travel with the army.

As the camp continues to get ready for the upcoming battle, Bushybeard runs into a young Cavalier named Julius Jensen, who says that he has been impressed with the tales he has heard about the group that Bushybeard has been travelling with. He and a few of the other soldiers have asked if they can accompany them on the next operation. Bushybeard isn't sure, but thanks him for the interest.

When the army does eventually depart from the camp, Bushybeard notices Uduros is a part of the force going to the Hurian camp, and somehow they never crossed paths until now? That is unfortunate.

When the Randullan force eventually meets the remnants of the Hurian camp, it is a massacre. Bushybeard and the rest of the party fight against Hurian soldiers on gigantic riding dogs, and in what feels like minutes the entire battle is over. The Randullan army loot and destroy the camp and eventually make their way back to camp.

Once the army has arrived safely, the party are called into Seamour's tent and are tasked to complete another secret mission: To infiltrate a facility built to create an ancient superweapon known as Lerid's Bane.

Meet the New Team
In the briefing, Seamour explains that the facility has been created to build the weapon known as Lerid's Bane, a creature made by breeding together different creatures native to Huria to create an incredibly powerful beast. In the days of the first invasion, The first Lerid's Bane turned the tide against Lerid and the forces of Old Randul, hence the name. The creature has become the stuff of legend and turned Lerid into a martyr of his cause, kickstarting his path to divinity after death.

Before they were created in Huria and sent over, now they have a means of building them here in Randul, and that will undermine the war effort immensely.

The objective of the mission is to break into the facility and gain information on how to create their own Lerid's Bane, and leave the facility intact if possible to recover at another time. Seamour says that the spy, whose name is Alfonso Peterson also requires extraction.

Seamour advises that the party may want to increase their ranks to succeed in this mission, and calls in two new faces:Aliella Moonshadow and Anastasia Rose. One is a powerful magic user, the other an infiltration expert, both that may be incredibly helpful in this situation.

Before the group eventually leave, Jensen reappears and asks if him and the other soldiers will be allowed to come with them. Although the new mission is an infiltration mission, Bushybeard allows the soldiers to join the group because why the fuck not. This can be chalked up to Bushybeard being a goddamn idiot.

The party come across a large group of war-affected orphans along the road, and they ask if they could spare food for them. Bushybeard casts Create Food multiple times, and allows them to eat the food. The war orphans (now referred to as the Warphens) ask if they can come with them. Bushybeard tells them they should go back to the  village and wait for them to come back. In return for the food, one of the Warphens gives the party a letter that he stole from the Hurian soldiers from the director of the facility. The party reason the Hurian soldiers will most likely be in the next town, and continue onward.

When the party reach the town,they run into what looks like a high ranking member of the Hurian army with a group of soldiers as guards, just as the Warphen's stolen letter had said. The party sneak into the inn and with the new member Anastasia the party are able to knock out and restrain the soldiers and take their gear for the plan to infiltrate the facility. It is decided that as the most elf-ish in the party, Aliella will take the place of the high ranking member of the Hurian Army, and the group will pretend to be Hurian soldiers

As the party travel to the facility the road eventually changes to grass and forest, they eventually run into many unfamiliar creatures, most likely the creatures that eventually form the Lerid's Bane. Milo takes the time to sketch each of the unfamiliar creatures for further study at a later date.

Pretending to be Hurian Soldiers... Again
As the party get to the facility, Anastasia goes into stealth mode and disappears from the rest of the party, a trait that will continue to occur for the rest of the adventure, and every adventure yet to come. The soldiers are dressed as Hurian Soldiers with Aliella dressed as the elven Hurian with 'his' letter.

Anastasia is able to sneak into the office of the Director of the facility, and starts pushing everything she can find into her bag of holding, including books about the Lerids Bane and various potions in the Director's stores. Anastasia finds a large egg but is unable to pick up the egg due to it’s size and weight.

Bushybeard and the party infiltrated the facility and took over the upper level of the facility, where the Director's office is. Then, as they reach the office, the party reveal the ruse and cut down the Director's guards.

One of Bushybeard's Soldiers, an orc named Adodak, helps bring some of the various items that Anastasia has been taking from the Directors office, including the egg. The rest of the soldiers help set a fire in the middle floor in the barracks, suffocating the sleeping Hurian Soldiers. The gnome spy Alfonso Peterson reveals himself and joins the Soldiers to wreak havoc in the tower. Eventually they make their way down to leave.

Bushybeard, Anastasia and the Director jump off the top of the tower. Anastasia makes it without issue, as she can fly. Bushybeard however, cannot. As they all hit the ground, Bushybeard performs a healing burst with his Holy Symbol; the Director falls into negative hitpoints and then back into positive. The party then run. They run like fuck.

As the party flee, they hear the sound of an unholy roar, and if possible try to run faster.

The Goddamn Lerid's Bane, AKA The Indominus Rex as per 2013
During the chase, Bushybeard casts Sending to Seamour to send assistance, because there is a legendary monster chasing them down. Seamour says he can dispatch the Wayward Blades, but don't expect them anytime soon. Bushybeard thinks it's better than nothing, and continues to run (or, sit on the back of Jensen’s horse)

The Director of the facility is still being held hostage, and the time that isn't spent running is making sure he doesn't cause any more trouble. The soldiers catch him whispering something to himself, and the gnomish soldier Davmorn Seaskipper knocks him unconscious by whapping him with a sap. From that point forward, Davmorn is left on knockout duty.

The party continue to run for what feels like days, running far faster than the source of the roar. Alfonso Peterson tells them this thing is not the Lerid's Bane, but the creature that spawns it. That does not make the party feel any better, at all. They give themselves time to rest, and continue to panic due to the huge goddamn motherfucking dinosaur following the party.

One attempt to stop the beast is to magically create food to sate it's hunger. Bushybeard casts Create Food three times and the part continue to run towards civilization. Anastasia notes that the creature stops for about a minute, then continues on it's monstrous path of destruction.

After a few days the party finds a cave to perform a last stand. They wait for the creature, waiting for what might be their last moment. The gargantuan beast comes closer, a horrid combination of the beasts that they had encountered in the countryside. At last, the Lerid's Bane had appeared. Or, well, it's mother.

The entire party spend about 30 seconds shooting arrows at the Lerids Bane, as it slowly advances. It walks within range of the party and then, somewhat anticlimactically, collapses of both exhaustion and the wounds it has sustained chasing the party. Like, it's anticlimactic, but better anticlimactic than dead.

The Hurian Strike Team - The first appearance of the Meteor Boots
As the party continue to make their way back to the camp, Anastasia uses her ability of flight to scout ahead. Unfortunately due to bad timing, she is spotted from far ahead and a small group of highly trained Hurian soldiers drop from the sky onto the party's campsite.

The battle is hard fought but the party pull through, with even the low rank-and-file soldiers that have come along surviving the battle without issue. The Hurian soldiers are killed and their items are stripped from their bodies. The boots are in The general thought of the party is that they were sent to retrieve the director of the facility, who continues to be held hostage by Bushybeard and the party.

The director continues to try and escape, when Anastasia shaves his beard off and takes a small portrait of his family from the belongings he still had. Bushybeard eventually has the director's tongue cut out to stop him from trying to contact the other side, something that some of the party did not agree with. This is a signal that the Bushybeard of now is not the same Bushybeard that started this adventure.

The Town is on Fire - Well, Fuck
The party eventually reaches the town with the inn and the inn is on fire, and people are dead and dying all over town.

Fuck, those guys probably got out of their bindings. Sigh.

Bushybeard and Milo both recognise the leader of the horsemen as Crump, meaning the horsemen are all Wayward Blades. Crump says he was sent to provide assistance, to fight a Lerid's Bane of all things? How quaint. The party ask why the Wayward Blades slaughtered the townsfolk, they did nothing wrong. Crump tells them that the townsfolk freed the Hurian soldiers that the party had spared, and that means they were all guilty of treason. Every man, woman and child.

The party notice the Warphens on the side of the road, watching the carnage. Crump sees that the party are looking at the group of war orphans and looks over as well. Anastasia does not know exactly what Crump is thinking and fears the worst. She flies into a rage and threatens to cut down old Crump if he even thinks of touching those kids.

Bushybeard is already not happy with this situation and this pushes him over the edge. This is not on. "You can't threaten a superior officer and expect to get away with it. Men, grab her and put her in irons." The men manage to lock her down, and she is taken back to the camp in chains

(This was actually way more tame then what actually happened, because I got very angry at Anoushka and it was actually my fault for being an angry person)

Back at the Camp
Bushybeard and the party come back to the camp and go straight to Seamour for debriefing, as does Crump. Due to the efforts of the infiltration and quick thinking (and sticky fingers) of Anastasia Rose, we were able to get notes on how the Hurians create the Lerid’s Bane, potions to accelerate the growth of the creatures and even an egg stolen from the facility. The facility still stands (though one tower may have been destroyed due to the escape efforts) and Alfonso Peterson was recovered without issue.

The boots from the Hurian Drop Squad are given back to Seamour, and an explanation of whatever the fuck actually happened because the Hurian Drop Squad were surprising. Very very surprising.

The issue of Anastasia Roses current predicament also comes up. Due to the nature of the threat that he received, Crump wants her hanged for threatening to kill him for ‘just doing his job.’ Seamour does concede that was a foolish thing to do, but without her the operation may not have gone nearly as well. Seamour reduces the punishment from hanging to 20 lashes, which Anastasia takes handily.

After her torture she is healed by Bushybeard and the manacles are put back on her.

The rest of the party are told to wait for the next mission, and are given their slips for their pay. Milo steals Anastasia’s pay because he’s a right little shit.

Mission Briefing
The next morning the party meet with Colonel Seamour for the next mission. Seamour explains that the war for independence is coming close to an end, with the final push to retake the capital happening right now. As such, the army located here is making their way to remove the Hurians from power. News has come from Huria saying the enemy have sent a naval fleet from the Homeland to reinforce the Hurian occupation of Apareon, which could destroy all the progress that has come from the many victories we have secured in our time in the army.

Seamour tells the party they are to go to the coast and do their best to delay the fleet, as they could bring hundreds or even thousands of soldiers with their ships. Once they are able to delay the fleet enough, they will travel from the Hurian fleet to Apareon and go to the palace to assist with capturing the Hurian Magistrate.

He also advises them to take another person along with them to assist in the effort: Bolphungar.

Bolphungar has been picked to test the magic of the boots taken from the Hurian Drop Squad due to his hardy nature. Anastasia has her wings unshackled and picks up Bolphungar to a reasonable height, then drops him. Bolphungar lands feet first and transfers all the damage that would have been caused to his body to the ground below. He decides he likes the feeling of falling and flight, and joins the party officially hoping to use them again. Julius Jensen and Bushybeard’s soldiers come along as well.

The party travel to the coast where they find the outpost for an animal trainer. The trainer says that the animals he trains will be how the party travel to where the ships will most likely be. He points to the water and a number of narwhals (narwhals) appear from at the end of the dock. This is not what was expected.

Narwhals (Narwhals)
The narwhals (narwhals) move quickly through the water, trained to take the soldiers through to their destination without hesitation. The soldiers decide to stay back with the animal trainer and make sure he is safe in the big operation to take back Apareon. The party depart on the narwhals (narwhals) and cut through the water, travelling for roughly a day. On the way the party run into some sharks, which the party cut through with little effort.

Then, in the morning, they reach the ships. The narwhals (narwhals) charge.

Anastasia carries Bolphungar high above the fleet, deciding to drop the halfling on one of the ships. The move is well rewarded, with Bolphungar crashing through the deck and hull into the bottom deck of the ship, setting much of the impact area on fire. Bolphungar then attempts to smash through the hull with his huge fuck-off hammer, contributing to the sinking and distraction of the fleet.

Anastasia follows up her maneuver with setting the sails of the boats on fire, and getting her shadow to attack the various crews of the ships. She continues to fly into the air to drop Bolphungar to damage the ships from above. (According to notes, Anastasia also dropped half a shark, most likely using her bag of holding to do so)

The wizards on the boats cleverly use Pyrotechnics to cause the fire to turn to burning, slowing the fire damage to the ship.

Aliella cast multiple rat and spider swarms to sicken and frighten the crews of the ship, causing their miserable day tto be even fuckin' worse.

Milo, Bushybeard and Jensen continued to use their narwhals (narwhals) to puncture the ships, Milo also using the lance that he uses in battle. Milo eventually jumping onboard when seeing a gigantic shark in the water. Jensen and Bushybeard do not see the megalodon. (According to Bolphungar's biography he also assisted by fighting the captain of one of the ships in one-on-one combat and shot a ballista at the rest of the fleet, though Bushybeard does not notice this.)

Bushybeard eventually disembarks from his narwhal (narwhal) to find where the others have gone on the fleet. He finds Bolphungar looking for more people to fight. Bushybeard casts sending to contact Milo, who has taken a lot of damage. Bushybeard casts Locate Object to find Milo's lance, and casts Dimension Door to teleport to Milo's location, providing backup along with Bolphungar, who comes along for a ride.

Once Bushybeard finds Milo, he sends Anastasia and Aliella to figure out where they are. Once they find each other again, they believe they have delayed the fleet enough and jump back on their narwhals (narwhals). Milo is convinced the megalodon is not there, and the narwhals swim to the meeting point for the big operation - Taking back the capital.

Taking Back the Capital
The party come up to the Apareon port, somehow to alerting any of the guards since the part and cut down the guards left there, trying to be as quiet as they could be. Not supremely quiet, but quiet enough, maybe. The plan is to make their way to the Palace and remove the Hurian Magistrate.

When the party reach the city, an elderly city guard is keeping watch, making sure no one gets through. The party deliberate how they are going to get past the elderly guard since he may raise the alarm and alert the city of our presence. Bolphungar tries to reason with the old guard, to turn the elf to the side of Randul. Milo, however, decides to charge the elderly guard and impales the poor old man. With his dying breath, he says "I was only... two days... from retirement..." And then he died. And then the party wandered on, leaving the dead man's body to rot in the sun.

While wandering their way to the Palace, the party run into private security guarding citizens. The party cut them down too, still searching for the Palace. Bolphungar took his time to rescue noncombatants from the battlefield while the rest of the party cut a bloody path through Apareon's streets to the palace.

Eventually the party reach the reverse entrance to the Palace of Apareon, and fight their way in. There are not nearly as many guards here due to all the active Hurian troops are out fighting the Randullan army at the front of the Palace. The guards here are much more prepared to deal with a small group of powerful combatants, unlike the rest of the Hurian army. The party fight through many dwarven and elven guards, trading blows with dwarven fighters and taking magical arrows from elven archers,all the while, sounds from the battlefront seem to be getting closer and closer.

The sound of battle eventually reaches the front of the palace with Uduros bursting through the doors, attacking everyone within reach, having gone into a bloody frenzy. Bushybeard and Milo have heard tales of the frenzied berserker do this in combat, fighting past his threshold. Bushybeard and Milo also knew that once Uduros stops fighting while he's past his threshold he's going to die.

Fuck.

Bushybeard plans to heal the huge orc barbarian so when he stops fighting he'll only pass out, instead of dying. Bolphungar chooses this time to unleash his most powerful strike against Uduros, slamming his hammer against the orc barbarians body. Uduros takes the strike as if it was nothing and beheaded the halfling in one strike.

FUCK.

Uduros started cutting down all of the Hurian soldiers in the room, before turning his sights back to the party. Bushybeard and Jensen then engaged Uduros to keep him from killing anyone else, Bushybeard by healing everyone in the room so Uduros focused on the Hurians instead of the party and Jensen by being a bigger target than Bushybeard.

Eventually the healing gambit works; Uduros went out of his rage and collapsed on the palace floor. The Hurian soldiers that are still alive are in massive amounts of pain due to being constantly hacked at by an angry orc (which is in essence a tautology) Jensen volunteered to stay back and take care of Uduros and Bolphungar's bodies (and Bolphungar's head) while the rest of the party go to the final room to capture the Magistrate.

How We Gained an Arch Nemesis
The Magistrate was hidden behind a dwarven spellcaster and a small army of Hurian soldiers. The dwarven spellcaster introduced himself as Ulgos Spiritforged and seemed really to cut down the tired, battleworn party. The atmosphere was tense before Milo cut that tension with a vicious magical spear, charged Ulgos and impaled him while mounted on his horse-sized wolf, and killed the caster without anyone turning to move.

The Hurian soldiers dropped their weapons and surrendered. They weren't paid enough to fuck around with halflings on horse-wolves.

Anastasia appears behind the group of surrendered Hurian soldiers and captures the Magistrate. The Magistrate, however, begs for his life and promises 100,000 gp to whoever frees him and allows him to go back to Huria. The entire party say no, screw that. This was a hard fought battle and we aren't going to just take your filthy gold. However, someone else accepts the offer as he enters the room.

If nothing it was incredibly well-timed.

Crump and the Wayward Blades come through the door and 'request' that the party hand over the Magistrate. The party aren't in a position to fight, with one member of the party dead in the other room and another tending to an ally's wounds, and the rest of the party all still hurt from fighting an entire fleet of ships with 6 people, then fighting their way to the palace. And the Wayward Blades look like they are entirely fresh, like they didn't just do all of that stuff that was written just before. And there are a shitload of Wayward Blades.

FFFFFUUUCK.

"Take him then, you smug looking piece of shit."

Crump continues to be a smug looking piece of shit and takes the Magistrate from the room, and take the surrendered Hurian soldiers.

The party finally have some time to rest. This last mission has been exhausting, but they can finally rest.

But Colonel Seamour needs to be told. Crump needs to eat crow for being a filthy goddamn betrayer.

A Parade, A Medal and A lost Party Member and friend
The party find Colonel Seamour and tell him the version of events that occurred hours before. Crump appears in Colonel Seamour's office with the Magistrate in tow, beaten up but alive. Crump tells the Colonel that Bushybeard and the rest of the party were bewitched by Hurian illusions and can't trust whatever they saw in there. Bushybeard cannot believe this righteous bullshit, and casts every spell he can think of to prove that it is not the Magistrate. Zone of Truth and Discern Lies don't find anything. If anything it strengthens Crump's claims of innocence, and that makes Bushybeard and Milo incredibly mad.

Seamour says that now is not the time to be worrying about this. They've won the war. There will be a parade and a ceremony to commemorate this victory against the Hurians. Milo does not take this situation lightly and decides to leave. Bushybeard tries to stop him and Milo takes off on his large wolf, never to be seen again. Bushybeard tries to send to him but Milo does not answer.

Milo has left the party.

Bushybeard and Crump are hailed as heroes of the people for storming the Palace of Apareon and apprehending the Hurian Magistrate. Seamour tries to make Bushybeard and Crump shake hands, but Bushybeard refuses. Other than this the medal ceremony and parade seems to go well. Bushybeard gains the rank of Captain and a mansion to live in, with the rest of the party also receiving lesser medals and manors to live in now that the war is over... for now.

The Mages Guild revive Bolphungar due to the service he has provided as professional smash man. In the restoration process, something goes wrong... or goes right. The Mages Guild hypothesise that the magical energy from the arrows that covered the halflings body may have leaked into his corpse, and the revival has not taken the excess magical energy into account... He is now more than just a simple barbarian.

Anastasia recovers the Warphens from the village and teaches them the arts of thievery and roguishness, and brings them into her new Apareon manor.

Alliela keeps quiet through the ceremony and gladly takes the manor that is given to her as a reward.

Jensen and Bushybeard's soldiers move into Bushybeard's manor, living the lives of (somewhat) retired soldiers, though Bushybeard keeps trying to get them to train on the off chance something else happens.

Uduros is taken into custody and chained due to his rage induced slaughter. Bushybeard tries to find him but can't.

And for now, the party is split up, trying to do their own thing in a country that is now their own.

END OF PART 1

Storming Fortress Sarsinghurst - START OF PART 2
After a couple of weeks, getting used to the fame and fortune that comes with helping to finish a war, Bushybeard is contacted by Seamour to meet him at his new office in the Palace. There is a new assignment and the Company will be needed.

Bushybeard takes some time to look for the rest of the party, only finding Bolphungar at his manor. Jensen and Bushybeard’s soldiers continue to loaf around at the base, and probably won’t be needed.

Anastasia and Aliella are both gone for some reason. Bushybeard sends for Anastasia but only hears that she is being framed for something that she didn’t do, and that he needs to believe her. Bushybeard has cooled off considerably from when he had the Strix shackled and is very apologetic. Bushybeard casts sending to her again, asking if she needs help. Anastasia says she does not need any help at the moment, and will try to clear her name.

Bushybeard shakes his head and goes to Seamour’s new office.

Seamour, now promoted to Brigadier General, asks if Bushybeard and Bolphungar are the only ones are the only ones coming on this mission. Bushybeard tells him about Anastasia and Aliella both being unavailable. Seamour says he has been made aware of Anastasia’s current situation and suggest to possibly ignore it until the mission is over.

Bushybeard is a little curious as to what that may actually mean, but not enough to investigate further. 

Bushybeard says that he and Bolphungar will probably be the only ones available for this particular operation. Seamour notes that he was aware that this would most likely be the case, and arranged for two new people to join the group. He then calls in a somewhat absurdly large Minotaur and a living gargoyle. Or grotesque, as he describes himself.

Seamour introduces the Minotaur as Minos, a strong and capable fighter who worships one of the New Gods of Randul (Lerid), and the grotesque as Grot, a statue from the Randullan University of Magic who was animated after hundreds of years of magical mishaps and fuck-ups. Seamour says that they will most likely be moved to the unit permanently, due to the unique set of skills that they bring to the table.

Seamour advises that the party will need to venture to the southern fortress of Sarsinghurst. One of the last bastions of Hurian occupation, the mission is to make sure that the contents of the fortress have not been made available to the enemy. The fortress is built within the side of a mountain, making the fortress extremely defensible. The Randullan troops outside of the fortress have been laying siege to Sarsinghurst since the beginning of the Liberation War with no end in sight, and tales from the rank-and-file soldiers make the Hurian troops out to be absolute monsters when it comes to combat… At least, in comparison to the normal rank-and-file soldiers.At least, in comparison to the normal rank-and-file soldiers. The tales that follow Bushybeard and the company that he keeps goes above and beyond what is considered normal. The reputation that is attached to the name may be what tips the scales here, in Sarsinghurst.

Seamour advises it may take about 2 weeks to march to the fortress, so he begins plotting the best course on how the party will most likely need to get to Sarsinghurst as soon as they can. Bushybeard raises his hand, and points at the map. He explains if he looks at the maps and diagrams about the Fortress he’d probably be able to teleport to the fortress? Seamour is somewhat dumbfounded but allows Bushybeard access to his maps of Sarsinghurst and the surrounding area.

Bushybeard says it may take some time to prepare himself to move through space with the rest of the party, and allows Minos, Bolphungar and Grot some free time before they go to the fortress.

That is when the story goes from serious to funny again.

Now technically, Bushybeard was not here for this part, But I, the writer was there.

MINOS AND BOLPHUNGAR HAVE A FIGHT
Bolphungar and Minos talk outside the palace, wondering who the more powerful of the two would be. Eventually, the two agree to a slugfest, a fight, a battle of reasonable proportions to prove who would most likely win in a fight if they went all out.

The palace guards pause in their duties to watch the two fight. A small crowd gathers around the two, waiting for the battle to begin. Even the newly crowned Randullan king can be seen watching the spectacle unfold.

Then, after much build up, it happened. Like a particularly violent firecracker the battle was explosive but brief.

Who won? It doesn't matter.

After studying the maps enough for a reasonable chance to teleport there immediately, Bushybeard comes outside to find the minotaur and halfling both somewhat exhausted. Somewhat sure of the events that took place (because he knows Bolphungar) Bushybeard sighs and asks each member of the party to touch his hand.

Minos is unsure why, and Bolphungar goes with it, as does Grot, who was there the entire time. As soon as Minos touches Bushybeard, the spell activates and the group suddenly appear at the Randullan camp near Fort Sarsinghurst.

Minos and Grot are both surprised at the teleportation. Unsure at what exactly their reactions were

On the front of the fortress, a poorly painted tapestry of snakes being eaten by vermin sits on one of the walls. It is very insulting to the Randullan soldiers here.

The group go to the tent of the leader of the Randullan forces in this area, wishing to know the current situation.

The leader of the forces is apparently the lieutenant or the secretary of the last leader of the Randullan force, and had orders to stay here and wait for the Hurian soldiers within to run out of supplies.

Grot crawls along the walls of the fortress, and destroys the tapestry. After a while, the Hurian soldiers unveil a second poorly created tapestry with a similar image to the first.

Eventually, the party storm the fortress. Grot continues to use stealth and terrifying the soldiers within the fortress to cow them into surrendering, before attempting to knock them out. Minos and Bolphungar both start laying waste to the Hurian Soldiers, with Bushybeard doing less well in combat. Eventually, Bushybeard decided to fuck this fighting thing, cast Fly on himself and pleading with them to surrender and they will eventually get home safely. Or they can die.

The Hurian soldiers take the latter option.

Bushybeard then casts a Sending to Brigadier General Seamour, advising the party have taken the fortress with minimal casualties. Seamour asks on the conditions of the inner sanctum within the fortress, and if the inner sanctum's doors have been breached, the entire facility cannot live to tell the tale. Bushybeard casts Sending again, advising he has promised the lives of these men, and if their lives can be spared they will be.

Bushybeard and the others investigate the door to the inner sanctum of the Fortress, and note that it has not been opened in some time, quite possibly not for hundreds of years. (There was a way to open it but Bushybeard didn't want to open it because it would seal the fate of the Hurian soldiers that did not deserve the fate, even while being enemy combatants.

Eventually Bushybeard used the Dimensional Hop from the Cleric's Travel Domain to skip past the door (which from what I understand is not how the Dimensional Hop worked but fuck it). After hopping through reality and getting past the door, Bushybeard investigates. Unfortunately at this point Bushybeard has no skills in perception and from what I remember fucked all his perception rolls here. (It was a terrifying, scary facility within the inner sanctum, with lots of experimenting on orcs?)

There was an extremely skeletal orc that looked like it had been there for a long fucking time, chained to a wall with a ring on it. On closer inspection it looked like a Ring of Sustenance, but Bushybeard wasn't going to touch that with a 10 foot pole.

After this, Bushybeard confirms with Brigadier General Seamour that the door continues to be unlocked and the facility within remains unmolested. After this, Bushybeard gathers the Randullan Soldiers from outside and the Hurian Fortress for the travel back to Apareon.

While speaking to the person who was in charge of the Randullan soldiers, he advises that someone needs to stay behind in the Fortress while the soldiers travel back, to make sure no further effort is undertaken to retake the fortification. Grot, being a living statue, volunteers for staying back within the Fortress for the two weeks it takes to travel back, then Bushybeard will pick them up. Minos, being the most military-minded of the party, looks after the Hurian prisoners and gives any Randullan soldiers dirty looks while it happens.

Something happens and someone is court martialed. Who?

Bushybeard teleports back to Apareon with Bolphungar,delivering the good news to Brigadier General Seamour. Seamour pays Bushybeard who doles out the pay appropriately, but also pockets the most because he's the most in charge.

Meanwhile...

Anastasia: Actually mistaken for doing a murder (this time)
At the same time that the events at Sarsinghurst were occurring, Anastasia was being framed for murder by a malicious smug prick. Why she was framed for a murder when she has actually committed murder multiple times in the past is perplexing (but that's not important right now).

At some point earlier in the story (I believe before the party left the first time) Bushybeard received a Sending from Aliella on behalf of Anastasia, explaining the issue. Bushybeard did for once believe the Strix. When it came to asking for where the rest of the group were to take Sarsinghurst, Bushybeard and Seamour both actually knew where Anastasia and Aliella were,but pretended not to know for the sake of plausible deniability.

(I don't remember what happened next, or for how much Bushybeard was aware of)

When Bushybeard, Aliella and Anastasia returned back to Apareon, Anastasia was greeted with a grisly sight. Her front door smashed in, the surfaces of many rooms soaked in the blood of war orphans,with the rest of the surviving orphans hiding in the vault.

It appears Anastasia is aware of who did this.

It was probably Crumps fault.

(I think Cuvus also painted the walls with the blood of orphans because she doesn't fuck around. Can't remember what she wrote on the walls to fuck with Anastasia)

And then we were all sad. :c

Downtime: The Orcs are Gone?
After two weeks, the Minos returns to Apareon with the Hurian prisoners. Seamour has spoken with Hurian command to barter for the safe return of these troops, so the Hurian fleet doesn't blow the Randullan vessel to kingdom come out of spite,even though there is technically a ceasefire.

After this has been sorted out, Bushybeard teleports to Grot and rests within the facility to regain his magic, then in the morning teleports back to his mansion in Apareon. He gives Grot and Minos their pay for their services and bids them both good day. The pair both disappear to whatever they do in the city.

Bushybeard is invited to dinner at Bolphungar's house, where he also has a large number of children. Bushybeard tries to get away from the children, but teleportation and flight are no match for children who want to want to play.

Bolphungar eventually invites Bushybeard to talk about the war, and how he says that nearly all the orcs have disappeared from the city, except for one, who he wants to befriend.

I can't remember what else happened and I'll write the rest when I can be bothered